Friday, September 2, 2011

Shark Night 3D - Movie Review

I have to admit I'm a sucker for movies like this. If done right, they can be a guilty pleasure; laughs, good use of gore, gratuitous nudity, etc. Shark Night 3D contains none of these things. Shark Night 3D isn't worth the chum thrown in the water to attract actual sharks.

If you're going to make a movie about sharks, maybe you should consult someone that knows something about actual sharks. You know, maybe get someone that knows more about sharks other than what one looks like. This is sharks if they were written by 12-year-olds and turned into superheroes. In Shark Night, sharks can swim faster than speeding boats and can hit boats hard enough to make their engines stall and smoke. You know, cause sharks do that all the time.

The sharks never move with the grace that you are used to seeing them have on Shark Week. The sad part is, they even reference Shark Week during the movie. So the makers of this movie are aware there is a thing called Shark Week, but I guess never spent a moment of time watching it?

The effects are awful! The sharks never look real or even consistent. There's a shark attack towards the end where you get a good look at the shark before the attack. A few seconds later they show the same shark attacking again, yet it doesn't look like it's even close to the same size, as the shark you just saw.

At one point, they tell him he's looking at a tiger shark, but when he's dunked under water, he's presented with a slow motion shot of shark that clearly wasn't a tiger shark. Plus, it was a weird slow motion shot were the shark was looking at him and going, "Oh hai, Guy. I'm going to eat you in a second."

There's nothing notable about the cast or dialog other than to say that they were all bad. Oh, they do kill the black guy first. American Idol fans will see Katherine McPhee try to act and show why she hasn't had much of a career post-Idol. Even her death scene is unsatisfying.

There's one redneck guy that at first you think has missing teeth, only to see later in the film, that he's basically filed his teeth down to resemble shark teeth. This movie is just nothing but cliches.

This was directed by David E. Ellis, who's directed some of the Final Destination films and Snakes on a Plane. That's too bad, if he had injected a little Snakes on a Plane in Shark Night, this might have been actually entertaining on some level.

This is what you get for making a movie like this PG-13. You aren't going to attract the right audience, as your PG-13 rating is going to eliminate the gore or any of the nudity you'd expect. The only way you can get away with PG-13 is if the movie is hilarious! This movie has nothing going for it!

The 3D is awful, yet again. Certainly not worth it.

The ending is terrible, predictable and actually rips off Piranha 3D's ending.

Anyway, there's absolutely nothing to enjoy or like Shark Night 3D. This isn't even worth watching on DVD. In fact, they just caught a 4-ft Great White and is on display over in Monterey. Go check that out instead.

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