I, Frankenstein (2014)

As I, Frankenstein begins, Frankenstein's monster (Aaron Eckhart) states that the cold does not affect him. I beg to differ with Mr. Frankenstein's Monster. In the immortal words of Mr. Freeze, "Everything freezes." I'm pretty sure we can still make a Frankenstein popsicle out of you.

This is one of the many times you'll need to shut your brain off to get through I, Frankenstein. Criticizing I, Frankenstein for being dumb is like complaining water has too much moisture. Can you really get on a dumb movie for being exactly that?

The setup for I, Frankenstein reads like it's straight from a video game, and if you take it on that level it's interesting enough. Demons and gargoyles have been fighting a war for eternity. Who knew that the gargoyles were the good guys; they're so scary looking. The demons want Frankenstein's monster because his existence shows that life can be created without a soul. Unlocking the secret to how he was given life would allow demons to reanimate bodies that can be possessed by the souls of descended demons, giving them the upper hand in the war.

The gargoyles save Frankenstein's monster from being captured by the demons, and he's given the whole rundown by the gargoyle queen (Miranda Otto). She names him "Adam", because "Jesus Frankenstein" was already taken, I guess. Adam wants no part in their war, but has no problem with killing demons that pursue him. Centuries of isolation has honed his fighting skills, and matched with his superhuman strength and durability, he's an undead weapon.

Maybe Kevin "General" Grevioux's (who also has a small role in the film) graphic novel explains their universe better, but in the movie too many things don't hold up to any kind of scrutiny. If you spend too much time thinking about them, which you shouldn't, your brain goes into a derp loop that lasts until it's over. Like the gargoyles get mad at Adam for killing a demon in plain sight of humans, yet they do this many times themselves. When demons and gargoyles die, they do so in blinding red and bluish white flares. Are these things invisible to humans? Plus, much of this happens at night, making it look like a fireworks display. I guess nobody noticed their several large scale battles either? The gargoyles live in this giant cathedral fortress in the middle of the city. Is that a church people can attend, or is it just some huge building that everyone ignores? And why does Adam have superhuman strength and durability anyway? Wouldn't a body thrown together from 12 others be inherently weaker and easier to hurt? Does he need to sleep or eat? Uh oh, it's happening again...derp!

With those colorful effects and fight scenes, its aesthetic is very video game-esque and I found myself wishing I was playing this game instead of watching a movie. I even mimed using a controller a few times on instinct. The special effects aren't the greatest, but the sheer number of CG creatures and brightness kind of covers for that.

Bill Nighy, as the leader of the demons, tries to ham it up as best he can in a somewhat scenery chewing performance, but the material is beneath him. The makers of this film must have compromising pictures of Aaron Eckhart somewhere, as that's the only reason you can explain his (and several others) appearance in this film. Eckhart grunts his way through the film for the most part, and doesn't look like he wants to be there. I feel the worst for Yvonne Strahovski as this probably isn't what she had in mind after five seasons of Chuck. I'm still holding out hope that someone at Marvel/Disney casts her as Ms. Marvel. At least she's going to be in 24: Live Another Day, so there's that.

About the only thing I'll credit the movie for is not going the obvious route and putting Strahovski and Eckhart in a love scene. Eckhart has a few shirtless scenes where she's patching him up, so naturally I kept waiting for them to kiss and then eventually have sex. Thankfully this is avoided entirely.

I, Frankenstein is a movie based off a graphic novel, that should have been made into a video game instead. Not that I was expecting much, but it's one of the dumbest movies I've seen in long time. It's deafening, dull, and unintelligible, but ooooh, bright colors!

0.5 (out of 5) Death Stars

The Guilt Trip (2012) - Movie Review

I think the moral of the story is that if you're mean to your mother, you look like a dick.

Andy (Seth Rogen) has invented a new cleaning product that he's having difficulty selling.  He's about to embark on a cross-country trip to pitch his product to several different companies.  He begins by returning home to see his mother, Joyce (Barbara Streisand).  In the short interaction before the trip, you learn that Joyce hasn't dated since Andy's father died when he was 8.  She also reveals that she had a love interest before she married her father.  Andy tracks this mystery man down and figures a way to fit a visit to this guy while on his trip.  He invites his mother along, which already kind of contradicts the title of the film, as I never felt like he invited her out of guilt or that she guilted him into coming along.

The actual 'Guilt Trip' begins and then the movie became tedious to watch.  I was squirming in my seat and was actually considering leaving, which is something I don't think I've ever done.  It wasn't insulting, but there was barely a laugh to be had and there wasn't anything particularly interesting about it.  The first half of the movie kind of hinges on setting up Joyce as a nagging and overbearing mother, and while her character is as cliched as they come, you don't have any reason to dislike her. So then your focus turns to how Andy's behavior towards his mother really doesn't make him all that likable. Andy craps on any suggestion Joyce gives him even though it's clear to everyone she's right.  It's not very entertaining to see him be extremely inflexible and rude when she's just basically being a normal Mom.

To The Guilt Trip's credit, there's a scene about halfway through the movie that changes the course and tone of the film.  From that point on it actually got funnier and I started to enjoy it more, as well as sympathize with everyone a little bit.

As I mentioned, one of the main issues of the film was that there weren't any laugh-out-lout moments.  Even a small chuckle here or there would have been nice.  The sad part is that Rogen and Streisand had good chemistry, but lacked the kind of banter that really would have driven the movie, pardon the pun.  You'll really notice this during the credits when they show you a series of deleted scenes that did show exactly that.  It also didn't help these scenes got the biggest laughs from the audience.  It's a shame and it illustrates what a missed opportunity The Guilt Trip had to really be a good comedy.  The supporting cast is also wasted in that they have several comedic actors (Casey Wilson, Adam Scott, Ari Graynor) in straight roles with barely any dialog.  I'm not sure why you'd go through the trouble of getting funny, recognizable actors and then not use them at all.

I'm surprised they decided to roll this out a week before Christmas, as there's nothing holiday-themed about it at all.  The performances from the leads, while not bad, aren't exactly going to blow you away either.  I actually enjoyed Streisand, and I can't really call myself a fan of hers.  The film does wrap up nicely and has some heartfelt moments towards the end, but the first half of the movie doesn't have a strong enough setup for those scenes to really have much of an emotional impact. You've seen many other movies do a better job with similar family themes.

I'm kind of surprised with how this turned out, because director Anne Fletcher had a fairly modest hit with her last film The Proposal.  Writer Dan Fogelman has written movies like Bolt, Tangled, and Crazy, Stupid, Love., so he's got a pretty good track record as well.  I even hear he based the story off a real-life trip he took with his mother from New Jersey to Vegas.  You'd think drawing from experiences would give the film a more personal feel to it, but it's about as generic as they come.

The Guilt Trip is a harmless, but formulaic and forgettable film.  It wastes a good cast by not having any significant laughs, and doesn't have enough heart to warrant seeing this over the holidays.  You can save this one for rental.

2.5 (out of 5) Death Stars