I, Frankenstein (2014)

As I, Frankenstein begins, Frankenstein's monster (Aaron Eckhart) states that the cold does not affect him. I beg to differ with Mr. Frankenstein's Monster. In the immortal words of Mr. Freeze, "Everything freezes." I'm pretty sure we can still make a Frankenstein popsicle out of you.

This is one of the many times you'll need to shut your brain off to get through I, Frankenstein. Criticizing I, Frankenstein for being dumb is like complaining water has too much moisture. Can you really get on a dumb movie for being exactly that?

The setup for I, Frankenstein reads like it's straight from a video game, and if you take it on that level it's interesting enough. Demons and gargoyles have been fighting a war for eternity. Who knew that the gargoyles were the good guys; they're so scary looking. The demons want Frankenstein's monster because his existence shows that life can be created without a soul. Unlocking the secret to how he was given life would allow demons to reanimate bodies that can be possessed by the souls of descended demons, giving them the upper hand in the war.

The gargoyles save Frankenstein's monster from being captured by the demons, and he's given the whole rundown by the gargoyle queen (Miranda Otto). She names him "Adam", because "Jesus Frankenstein" was already taken, I guess. Adam wants no part in their war, but has no problem with killing demons that pursue him. Centuries of isolation has honed his fighting skills, and matched with his superhuman strength and durability, he's an undead weapon.

Maybe Kevin "General" Grevioux's (who also has a small role in the film) graphic novel explains their universe better, but in the movie too many things don't hold up to any kind of scrutiny. If you spend too much time thinking about them, which you shouldn't, your brain goes into a derp loop that lasts until it's over. Like the gargoyles get mad at Adam for killing a demon in plain sight of humans, yet they do this many times themselves. When demons and gargoyles die, they do so in blinding red and bluish white flares. Are these things invisible to humans? Plus, much of this happens at night, making it look like a fireworks display. I guess nobody noticed their several large scale battles either? The gargoyles live in this giant cathedral fortress in the middle of the city. Is that a church people can attend, or is it just some huge building that everyone ignores? And why does Adam have superhuman strength and durability anyway? Wouldn't a body thrown together from 12 others be inherently weaker and easier to hurt? Does he need to sleep or eat? Uh oh, it's happening again...derp!

With those colorful effects and fight scenes, its aesthetic is very video game-esque and I found myself wishing I was playing this game instead of watching a movie. I even mimed using a controller a few times on instinct. The special effects aren't the greatest, but the sheer number of CG creatures and brightness kind of covers for that.

Bill Nighy, as the leader of the demons, tries to ham it up as best he can in a somewhat scenery chewing performance, but the material is beneath him. The makers of this film must have compromising pictures of Aaron Eckhart somewhere, as that's the only reason you can explain his (and several others) appearance in this film. Eckhart grunts his way through the film for the most part, and doesn't look like he wants to be there. I feel the worst for Yvonne Strahovski as this probably isn't what she had in mind after five seasons of Chuck. I'm still holding out hope that someone at Marvel/Disney casts her as Ms. Marvel. At least she's going to be in 24: Live Another Day, so there's that.

About the only thing I'll credit the movie for is not going the obvious route and putting Strahovski and Eckhart in a love scene. Eckhart has a few shirtless scenes where she's patching him up, so naturally I kept waiting for them to kiss and then eventually have sex. Thankfully this is avoided entirely.

I, Frankenstein is a movie based off a graphic novel, that should have been made into a video game instead. Not that I was expecting much, but it's one of the dumbest movies I've seen in long time. It's deafening, dull, and unintelligible, but ooooh, bright colors!

0.5 (out of 5) Death Stars

The World's End (2013)

Ah, so this is why they say you can't go home again...

Gary (Simon Pegg) returns to reunite his friends and complete the Golden Mile, a marathon pub crawl in their hometown.  Their first attempt over 20 years ago was met with failure, but this time Gary is determined that they'll reach the final pub, The World's End.  However, the gang has all moved on and a pub crawl isn't high on their list of things to do.  One of them, Andie (Nick Frost), doesn't even drink anymore.  The rest aren't too wild about Gary and the fact that he hasn't grown up at all.  The impulsive and talkative Gary manages to convince them though.  They hit a series of pubs before they start to notice that things are a little off since the last time they were in town, and then it gets weird.

I'm not sure how many of you have seen the trailer for The World's End, or if you're a fan of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg's previous collaborations (which I've just learned is called the "Cornetto trilogy").  The reason I bring this up is that the movie takes a significant turn around the halfway point that I don't want to spoil, but anyone that's seen the trailer or is familiar with their previous work will likely be aware already.  I'm going to err on the side of not spoiling though and be a little more vague and a lot less wordy than usual.

Spoilers or not, it isn't going to ruin your enjoyment of The World's End.  Once things get going, it's a ton of fun.  If you aren't laughing at the situations they find themselves in, then the dialog will get you.  The thing I love about the Cornetto trilogy is not just how well written they are, but how it's clear that Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright love the genres they're riffing on.  There's so much attention to detail and subtle references to other films.  Even Paul, which was written by Pegg and Nick Frost, is full of sci-fi references.  Fans are rewarded with multiple viewings of these films, and I think The World's End will be no exception.  I was recently shown a clip from Shaun of the Dead where the opening scene brilliantly spells out exactly how the movie is going to go.  It's the kind of thing I didn't notice the first time, or even second time I watched it.  I've already heard about a few things from The World's End that I didn't pick up the first time around.

Another thing that makes these films stand out is that there's more to them than clever dialog or genre references.  Like some of the better Judd Apatow comedies, there are underlying themes that give them meaning and more to connect with.  As you learn more about the characters and what's really going on in their lives, you see what's really driving them.  People that aren't necessarily sympathetic at the beginning are by the end.

Much of the cast from the previous Cornetto films return or have small roles in The World's End.  From working so much together, they have great chemistry and play off each other like old pros.  They really do seem like genuine friends.  Rosamund Pike joins the cast to give it a jolt of estrogen.  I've always enjoyed Pike, but I really her taking a stab at comedy from the usual drama/thrillers she's in, and no, Johnny English Reborn does not count.

If you're a fan of Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz, then you'll also love The World's End.  I'd say it's probably somewhere in between those two films a far as overall quality, but your mileage may vary.  Even if you aren't familiar with the Cornetto trilogy, there's a lot of fun to be had, and it's one of the better comedies of the year.  I strongly recommend checking it out, and maybe even getting a pint or two to really put yourself in the mood.

4 (out of 5) Death Stars

Total Recall (2012) - Movie Review

Well, it's August already, so it's time to start dumping out the films that can't compete with the big boys of Summer.  I know that sounds a little harsh, but we're starting the month with a totally unnecessary remake of a film that many of you already own on DVD.  I guess you could say there are spoilers here, if you haven't seen the original.  Otherwise, nothing that happens in this new Total Recall is going to surprise you.  In fact they seem to reference the original movie constantly to the point where you're like, "Why don't I just watch the original instead?"

If you're totally unfamiliar with the story, Colin Farrell takes over for former Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger as Doug Quaid.  Quaid is a factory worker married to Lori (Kate Beckinsale), and has a very basic life.  However, he continues to have nightmares and can't shake the feeling that he's meant for something else.  He decides to go to Rekall, a place were you can get memories implanted to experience different things.  He chooses to have memories about being a spy, but before anything happens, a SWAT team bursts in and Quaid manages to kill them all.  He returns home to find Lori isn't actually his wife and reveals that he actually is a spy.  Then he goes on a series of chases, eventually joined by a resistance member (Jessica Biel), who tries to help him stop the evil Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston) and foil his plan.  Cohaagen's evil plan involves creating an army of the robots from I, Robot to take over.

Both this and the original were based on a Philip K. Dick short story "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale".  Initially, we were promised a more faithful adaptation to the original story, but what we got here was just a remake of the original film with a few slight changes.  Gone in this version are the references to Mars.  Instead we're introduced to a world ravaged by war, where there are only two habitable areas left on opposite sides of the planet.  To travel between the two, they've built a giant train that travels through the core of the Earth.  You can try and wrap your head around that one, but this is Summer film, so if I can buy in to the premise of a colony and travel to Mars, I guess I have to accept a giant elevator travelling through the planet.  Although, travelling to Mars seems like the more realistic scenario these days.

Unfortunately, I just don't have all that much to say about Total Recall.  I saw the same movie 20 years ago, and I still have a fondness for it.  It didn't need a remake.  Sure, the original was silly and it doesn't hold up great, but it had one crucial thing that was missing here: fun.  This remake is just too serious and dark.  Plus, it's missing all of the mind games I felt the original had, but maybe that's due to the fact that I'm too familiar with the story.

The cast is fine, but it seemed like everyone was just going through the motions, and I just wasn't all that interested in any of the characters.  There's never any suspense or a moment where you think that Quaid is in any real danger.  I think part of the problem is that in an action film like this, you need someone with the presence of Schwarzenegger.  It's not that Colin Farrell did a bad job, he's clearly a better actor, but I just didn't get the same feeling from the character that I needed to truly be invested in the story.  It's a shame they get people like Jessica Biel and Bryan Cranston to be in this and just don't give them that much to do.  I think Kate Beckinsale was probably the highlight for me, as she has most of the best scenes, but this shouldn't really be a surprise as she's married to the director.

Director, and Fremont native, Len Wiseman (nice shout out during the movie to my home town) did a decent job.  From his previous films like Underworld and Live Free or Die Hard, he seems to do well directing action and big action sequences, which are the best parts of the film.  He just didn't do enough with the story, and instead filled it with tons of action sequences, which to be honest, started to get kind of boring and repetitive as the movie wore on.  I felt like the movie lost steam about halfway through.

The effects were pretty good though and it's a nice looking film.  You can see where they spent most of this films budget.  However, there were some times, especially when they did wider shots of the city, where I thought some of the details looked really bad.  Like it needed just a little more polish.

I guess it's kind of ironic that a movie with recall in the title reminded me of so may other films.  You'll watch this and be reminded of stuff like I, Robot, Minority Report, Blade Runner, and even The Core.  They are all just mashed up together.

As a standalone action film, Total Recall isn't terrible, but if you've seen the original, there's nothing here that you haven't already seen before.  Watching it feels like playing a familiar video game, just with different graphics and skins.  It's a rental.

2.5 (out of 5) Death Stars

Wrath of the Titans (2012) - Movie Review

I was actually shocked when I heard they were making a sequel to the already lackluster Clash of the Titans remake. The remake was a movie nobody was asking for in the first place, it performed poorly and was reviewed poorly.  Despite that, they decided it was a good idea to make another. Do we at least get another good Liam Neeson meme?  Unfortunately, no.  In fact, this time around some random character actually says the line, 'Release the Kraken!'  Really?

Anyway, after I saw the trailer for Wrath of the Titans, I thought it at least looked cool. Plus, it has Rosamund Pike dressed like a warrior.  It could have Rosamund Pike dressed in anything and it would have my interest on some level.  Could Wrath of the Titans be any worse than Clash?

The good news is that Wrath is better than Clash.  The bad news is that it's only marginally better.  I can pretty much sum up this movie into one word: flat!  Everything about the movie felt flat to me.  The dialog, the characters, the attempts at humor.  There's very little in the way of effective dialog or humor anyway.

While the effects are pretty good and there are some decent action scenes, you never feel any real threat or that the main characters are in any peril.  It doesn't help that the movie is pretty bloodless.  I can't buy in to a film featuring guys with spears and swords and that there's any danger when you barely see a drop of blood.  Granted, the lack of blood makes this something that you can allow younger kids watch, but if you like a little more maturity to your fantasy, you won't find it here.

This also suffers from the 'inconsistent powers' thing I hate in action movies.  Early on, Perseus gets pretty banged up by a creature and needs medical assistance after.  Throughout the rest of the movie, he's being hit with rock-smashing punches from gods and just popping up from them like it's no big deal.  Which is it?  You can be hurt or you're indestructible?

To illustrate the point about there being very little peril, the central plot of Wrath is that the gods are the ones in danger this time.  The movie begins showing you that Perseus (Sam Worthington) has rejected his destiny as a demigod and is content with fishing with his son.  Gemma Arterton couldn't be bothered with being in this, so her character has been killed off at some point, leaving Perseus a single father.  He's visited by Zeus who tells him that because nobody is praying to the gods anymore, they are losing power and this is causing the big, bad demons to break out of the underworld.  Zeus states that Hades (Ralph Fiennes) is attempting to resurrect Kronos, the father of Zeus, Hades and Poseidon (an unrecognizable Danny Huston).  It took their combined powers to stop him last time.  I don't understand how Kronos is anyone's father when he's this giant, lava monster.  His spawn are humanoids?  Anyway, Zeus wants Perseus to help, but Perseus just wants to fish with his son.  Oh guess what, stuff happens and Perseus is forced into action.

This movie is a 'God of War' video game come to life, expect that they took all of the fun, the interesting story and characters out of it.  You're better off simply playing a video game than watching this.  At least with the video game you'd be more invested in what was going on.

The main problem with Wrath is that there's nothing to give a shit about.  You've got this great cast and nothing ever happens to make you care about anything.  I mention Rosamund Pike, but she's barely given anything to do.  She might as well not been in the movie.  Bill Nighy played Hephaestus and I didn't even realize it was him until the credits rolled.  There's this scene towards the end where Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes' characters team up finally and for a second it's really cool, but then it's over just like that.  I don't want to hate on Sam Worthington, but he's probably the blandest actor in movies.  He's just so wooden and uninteresting.  You'd think an action star would be buff at least.

The 3D and IMAX do nothing for the film.  Clash of the Titans was notorious for being a bad example of converted 2D to 3D films looking terrible.  Wrath seems to have been filmed in 3D, but it still does nothing for the movie.  Save your money and watch it in normal 2D.

Director Jonathan Liebesman didn't do a very good job with the material.  He also directed the equally uninteresting Battle: Los Angeles.  As I've complained about other poor movies recently, this suffers from having too many people involved in the story.  Worse yet, they are mediocre writers at best.  Greg Berlanti (Green Lantern), David Johnson (Red Riding Hood) and first time writer Dan Mazeau.  Movie studios need to figure out that movies like this do not work when you have this many people involved, especially when their previous work was n6othing to get excited about.

Wrath of the Titans upgraded the special effects and the 3D from Clash of the Titans and it has better action.  However, the story and characters are still lifeless.  It's video game, popcorn entertainment at best.  I can't really recommend seeing it in the theater though.  Save it for rental.

I probably would have given the original 2 Death Stars, so I give Wrath of the Titans 2.5 (out of 5) Death Stars.