Grown Ups 2 (2013)

Wait, say that again?  There's a sequel to Grown Ups?

I was surprised as anyone the first time I saw the trailer for Grown Ups 2.  Did anyone actually like it?  I don't know anyone that does, but maybe that's because they're afraid of being Force-choked for admitting that in my presence.  Good taste aside, I guess the first made enough money because there's no way they'd make another one otherwise.

I guess the beauty of Grown Ups 2 for the studio is that it couldn't have taken more than a week or two to make, and the budget couldn't have been spent on much else than the actor's salaries.  I know they didn't spend money on writers or an editor.  Grown Ups 2 doesn't even have a plot.  Seriously, I defy anyone to watch Grown Ups 2 and tell me what it's about.  It's just a bunch of short sketches and gags.  I think this is what frustrates me about Adam Sandler and Co. so much.  With these guys being SNL alumni, you'd think this would be their strength.  Also, we've all seen guys like David Spade, Tim Meadows, Kevin James, Chris Rock, and even Nick Swardson be much funnier in their own standup routines, other movies and TVs shows.  Yet somehow combining all of these guys amounts to a bunch of lazy, uninspired comedy.  Is it that they don't care, have total contempt for the audience, or genuinely think this stuff is funny?  I can't help but watch Grown Ups 2 and think that if they had just put even a modicum of effort into the writing, then we'd genuinely have a funny movie on our hands.  I can forgive a lack of plot if the movie is hilarious otherwise.

A lot of the humor is based on things that simply can't happen in reality.  The opening scene is the one you see in the trailer where somehow a deer gets into the house and up to a second story bedroom without anyone noticing or waking up.  I guess it was a stealth deer.  This leads into a stupid pee joke that wasn't funny in the first place, but looked awful because they did it with bad CG.  They do this pee joke twice!  Why is this even in the movie?  They could have not put this in the movie and saved the money on the bad CG.  Cause F-you, that's why!

At least I didn't find the humor as mean spirited as in Sandler's more recent films.  However, if you aren't into poop, fart or throw up gags, then there's a lot you aren't going to like.  I'll admit there's a part of me that still can laugh a good fart or burp, so when Kevin James does his burp-sneeze-fart I couldn't help but chuckle a little.  I also got a giggle out of some of the various cameos sprinkled throughout the film.  The thing is a cameo isn't a joke by itself, and many are dependent on you even knowing who these people are.  Like if you don't recognize older SNL cast members, ESPN anchors, or lesser known comedians, their appearances will likely go unnoticed by you.

The rest of the film is lame fratboy humor, or making fun of characters that aren't aware they are the butt of the joke.  There's a running gag where Tim Meadows and family just go "Whaaa?!" anytime they are insulted.  There's no comeback, just "Whaaa?!"  It doesn't go anywhere, and it's a non-joke.  Lots of these scenes ended abruptly when it wasn't working.  It didn't seem to be working on the audience either as I heard muted laughter at most of these things.

As with all Sandler films, his obsession with the 80's continue.  We get our normal fix of 80's music, but the film ends with a 80's themed party.  I wonder who's idea that was?  It's just another lame reason to shoehorn more 80's references into the movie.  I love the 80's as much as the next guy, but this is gone way past being old.  Although I did think it was kind of funny to see Chris Rock dressed as 80's Prince.

Lastly, I'm glad they had the good sense to get rid of that scene about getting wasted and tricking the kids into thinking it had something to do with ice cream  "I'm wanna get chocolate wasted!"  Did a child actually write that?  Ugh...so much of this film is just cringeworthy.

Grown Ups 2 is lazy, uninspired, childish, unfunny and directionless.  If the name Adam Sandler wasn't on the top of the poster, I don't see how this film sees the light of day, let alone gets made.  The only reason I'm not giving this a zero is that I chucked a few times at the cameos and I haven't completely outgrown burp and fart humor.  There are some genuinely funny films in theaters right now.  Grown Ups 2 isn't one of them.  Don't pay to see this film in any format.

.5 (out of 5) Death Stars

Savages (2012) - Movie Review

Did you know what "savages" meant?  Well, neither did I!  Fortunately, the latest Oliver Stone movie, Savages, defines it for you, so you get some learnin' with your early images of decapitated bodies.

Savages follows the threesome of Ben, Chon, and O, which is short for Ophelia, and not Oprah as you'd expect.  Also, before I get into it, "Chon"?  Throughout the movie I kept wondering if they were just saying "John" weird.  A few times I honestly thought they were saying "Tron".  Who the hell names their kid "Chon" anyway?   Please don't tell me this is going to become one of those trendy, middle-class names.  It was very distracting every time I heard it.

Anyway, Ben (Aaron Johnson) is the Buddhist, hippie-type, yet has degrees in business and botany, that creates the drugs; Chon (Taylor Kitsch), a former Navy Seal, is basically just there to be the muscle; and O (Blake Lively), is both of their girlfriends.  She also doubles as the corny narration throughout the film.  After she establishes that she's sleeping with both of them, she makes a comment about how we probably think she's a slut.  This was met with a collective, agreeing laugh from the audience.

Ben and Chon have been best buds since high school, but I have a hard time believing any friendship strong enough to share a woman.  It's just too implausible to get behind in the first place.  Taking a page from Breaking Bad, Ben's skill in botany has allowed them to create the best marijuana on the planet.  This has made them rich and in great demand.  They take a meeting with a Mexican drug cartel ran by Salma Hayek, and her right-hand man, played by Benicio Del Toro.  They make a simple offer: teach us how to make marijuana and we'll make you even richer.  It's clear that saying no to these guys would be bad.  What do these geniuses do?  They not only say no, but insult the Mexican drug cartel in the process.   There's no surprise as to where this is headed now.

The frustrating thing about a movie like Savages is that it has all the right things going for it, but it becomes clear that the movie is going along a fairly predictable path, and the actions of the characters are just head scratching at times.  Then, you have terrible pacing issues where it takes almost an hour before anything substantial happens.  You spend almost half of this 130-minute movie following three characters that you don't care about or find anything to identify with.  These guys have the life: they live in a huge house on the beach, have tons of money, have sex all the time and seem to have very little risk as they work with medical distribution places.  I don't find that very interesting, and the story drags whenever it focuses on them.  Their only conflict is the one they created themselves by refusing the cartel's offer.  The 'bad guys' in Savages were more interesting and entertaining, and I found myself rooting for them more than the supposed protagonists.

Savages was based on a book of the same name by Don Winslow, who co-wrote the screenplay with Stone and Shane Salerno.  I've heard good things about the book, but I feel like something got lost in the adaptation.  It also doesn't help there's some really awful dialog throughout the film.  The narration by O's character is so bad that it made me wince at times.  The story felt convoluted, and it's one of the worst endings I've seen in a while.  Talk about a cop out.  I won't spoil it, but if you've seen Funny Games, then know that it's pretty similar.

It's not all bad though.  Savages is very brutal and dark, two things I normally enjoy about drug related films.  However, some of the violence felt thrown in for shock value, as if they didn't know what to do, so they would just linger on a violent scene.  A guess a movie called Savages should have lots of savage violence in it to maintain title integrity.  It's a good looking film as well, but again, it feels like there's more style here than substance.

The performances work for the most part.  I really enjoyed Selma Hayek, Benicio Del Toro and John Travolta.  Hayek was really over-the-top, but I thought it worked well for the character.  Travolta is great as the sneaky DEA agent playing both sides.  The standout is Benicio Del Toro though.  He feels like a caged, rabid animal, and you never quite know what he's going to do next.  Most of the highlights of the film involve either him, Hayek or Travolta.  I also enjoyed Emile Hirsch as Ben and Chon's techie/money laundering guy.  I like him in smaller roles like this.

Aaron Johnson, who you might remember from Kick-Ass, was the most interesting out of the threesome, but that's mainly because you actually got to see his character evolve as the movie went on.  While I didn't have a problem with Taylor Kitsch or Blake Lively, I felt their characters were totally flat and really not given any depth to them.

Oh, and here's a huge pet peeve of mine: I can't stand it when there are sex scenes in a movie where everyone keeps their clothes on.  It doesn't seem realistic to me at all.  At one point they are in a bathtub having sex with clothes on.  Who does that?

Savages is violent, dark and has some great performances.  Unfortunately, those great performances come from the characters you aren't supposed to root for.  It takes way too long to get started and is betrayed by a terrible ending.  I just wasn't into it.  It's interesting that the poster for Savages already looks like a Blu-Ray cover, because that's how I suggest most of you watch this.  It's a rental.

2.5 (out of 5) Death Stars