Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Bringing back the movie reviews.

Okay, so I’m going to start up my old tradition of reviewing movies.

I will warn you that my reviews may be offensive to some and a lot of you will likely not agree with what I have to say. A lot of times, my reviews might sound like a stream of consciousness and I’m just typing what I’m thinking. I’m not a professional critic and I haven’t been to any kind of film school or journalism school. I have, however, watched over 2,000 movies in my lifetime and I’m not a mindless drone that just likes everything. I’m also not completely out of touch with society like a lot of pro movie critics are.

Leap Year

I’m not above watching a romantic comedy by myself. It’s all in the interest of the art of movie watching. Plus, I don’t have a girlfriend, so piss off.

This is another one of those movies that starts with the annoying premise of the girl that wants to get married, but hasn’t yet realized that she’s with the wrong guy, even though they’ve been together for four years! Then she meets the right guy, and, as always, HATES him at first and they don’t get along at all. Geez, I wonder how this one will end up?

Anyway, they get in all kinds of unfunny and predictable mix-ups and the movie feels like it’s about two hours long even though it’s only an hour and forty minutes. She steps in poop, falls down in the mud, etc. It’s all sooooo hilarious. What is it with romantic ‘comedies’ that contain no genuine comedy or humor? Not to mention situations that are relatable to normal people. She steps in poop and complains that her shoes cost $600. She also complains that her suitcase is a Louis Vuitton and to be careful with it and not get it wet. I’m sure that’s happened to every girl that you know as they travel through Ireland. This is kind of stuff that if you saw it happen, you’d laugh, not because it was necessarily funny, but because you’d be like, "Serves you right you materialistic snob!"

Matthew Goode is in the movie and I didn’t even realize it was him until the credits rolled. This is the same guy that played Ozymandias in Watchmen? Not that he was great in Watchmen, but damn, dude!

The only reason I was able to get through this movie is because I find Amy Adams to just be so adorable in an ‘I want to bang the hell out of her’ kind of way.

I’d give this movie an F, but because of Adams, I’ll give it a D.

It’s Complicated

I don’t see how this movie is getting so many positive reviews, when the movie itself was pointless and such a missed opportunity. They had a great comedic cast and the movie had maybe one genuine laugh, provided by John Krasinski, in the whole movie.

At the end of the movie, what was the point? She’s exactly back in the same boat she was in at the beginning of a movie. Let’s break it down:

  • At the beginning of the movie, she’s still upset that she’s divorced and hasn’t gotten any in a while. Her main focus is getting some remodeling done on her place.
  • She begins to have an affair with her ex. She’s getting some and is getting her mojo back.
  • 'It’s Complicated' because her ex has remarried (to a much younger woman) and he’s no longer happy with her.
  • She goes out on a date with Steve Martin and proceeds to dick him around and make him feel like an ass.
  • Her family finds out about the affair, which makes them all feel awkward and terrible.
  • She decides she doesn’t want her ex anymore and breaks off the affair.
  • She goes back to focusing on her job and the remodeling project.

Oh sure, there’s a subtle wink at the end that she might rekindle things with Steve Martin's character, but at this point, do you care? Why would you root for her at this point? It’s fucking stupid.

It’s like the problems of old, upper-middle class white people. Boo hoo! The movie isn’t terrible; it’s just not all that interesting. It’s totally inoffensive. Also, its runtime was about two hours, which for this movie was about 20 minutes too long. Therefore, I give this movie a solid C, bordering on a C- just because of what a missed opportunity it was.

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