Celeste and Jesse Forever (2012) - Movie Review

When we first meet Celeste (Rashida Jones) and Jesse (Andy Samberg), they come off as an almost annoyingly cute couple.  They enjoy hanging out together, profess their love for each other and share all kind of inside jokes. However, when having dinner with friends, Beth and Tucker, Beth (Ari Graynor) snaps that she can't take this anymore. You see, Celeste and Jesse have been separated for six month and in process of divorce. For their friends, their continued relationship is unhealthy, but C & J don't see anything wrong it. They are still good friends and don't understand why they can't remain that way. To everyone else, they look like two people that can't move on.

Celeste, a successful business woman, grew tried of Jesse's unemployed artist shtick and his lack of motivation to work.  She didn't see herself having kids with him, so she ended the relationship.  Jesse, however, thinks Celeste will come back around if he waits it out.

His friend and marijuana dealer, Skillz (co-writer Will McCormack), convinces Jesse to get back out there and date more.  He does and reconnects with a girl he hooked up with a few months back, and decides to make things work with this new girl.  When Jesse tells Celeste, she has a hard time dealing with this and she tries to get back out there herself, with mixed, and sometimes hilarious, results.  She also encounters some professional difficulty, so things spiral out of control for her and nearly hits rock bottom.

One thing I really liked about Celeste and Jesse Forever was that it doesn't turn to all the typical romantic comedy cliche's where you know that everything is going to lead back to them getting back together.  C&JF isn't about that.  It's about actually breaking up, moving on and finding happiness elsewhere.  Another thing I really enjoyed about the movie was that the characters were flawed, even unlikable at times, but realistic.

It's not a perfect film though.  I felt that the humor was a little inconsistent, maybe a little too broad throughout the movie.  Also, I was having difficulty getting into Celeste and Jesse Forever initially. The audience was laughing, but I couldn't help be think they were trying too hard to be cute. After about 15 minutes though, I settled in and as I learned more about the characters, I became invested in where things were going to go.  Don't get me wrong though, the movie is funny, but it just took me a bit to warm up to it.

I've been on a theme of simplification lately.  Celeste and Jesse needed it.  There were too many characters and subplots going on.  The movie drags a little bit, so trimming a few of these characters from the film would have make this a much tighter and interesting film.  I'm not sure this is correct, but the run time is listed at 90 minutes.  It felt longer than that.  Looking at the clock after the movie was over, it certainly seemed closer to 100 minutes or so.

It pains me to say it, as I liked the cast, but some of the characters were really throwaway.  Elijah Wood's character felt like it was in there just so Celeste could have a cliched gay friend, and was used for a few easy jokes.  There's a subplot with a Ke$ha-like character, played by Emma Roberts, that also wasn't needed to tell the story.  I liked both the characters, and I liked the performances, but the movie could have been told without them and those same points delivered by other characters already established in the film.  For example, towards the end you realize that Celeste and Jesse have been friends with Beth and Tucker since before any of them were dating. You wouldn't know that from the movie though.  Tucker (Eric Christian Olsen) really isn't given much to do in the movie, and it seemed like many of the points made to the Celeste and Jesse throughout the film, should have been delivered by Tucker and Beth, instead of being delivered by side characters.

I didn't realize until the credits rolled that this was co-written by Rashida Jones.  It makes sense as the story is really more about Celeste and her growth than Jesse.  As I've said earlier, her script cold have used some  simplifying, but I stilled liked how authentic the relationships and people felt. The movie also shows you that  Rashida Jones can carry a movie and is poised to take the next step to stardom.  I'm actually surprised this hasn't happened sooner for her, as I thought she was great in I Love You Man and on Parks & Recreation.    Her chemistry with Andy Samberg was believable and it was nice to see Samberg show a more serious side.  I haven't said much about Samberg, as the story doesn't focus on him much as it moves on, but he does get a chance to show some range and that there's more to him post-SNL.

Celeste and Jesse Forever is a realistic look at a breakup and moving on.  This may hit a little too close to home for some you, especially if you've either gone through a breakup like this or know someone that has.  It's a frustrating, emotional roller coaster that nobody wants to deal with.  As far as indie dramedies go, much like Ruby Sparks, this is a different look than what you typically see and worth watching.  It's funny and smarter than your average dramedy.  I recommend it as a matinee, but it may not be the best date movie since it's about a breakup.

3.5 (out of 5) Death Stars

The Good Doctor (2012) - Movie Review

With a title like The Good Doctor, you know this can only turn out one of two ways.  He's either actually going to be a good doctor, or he's going to be a terrible doctor.  I'll let you have a guess at which.  Don't worry, you've got a fifty-percent chance of being right.  Spoilers ahead...

Martin Blake (Orlando Bloom) is young doctor starting his residency.  He's having difficulty fitting in, and clashes with one of the nurses (Taraji P. Henson).  He's desperately wants the respect of his co-workers and supervisor (Rob Morrow).  After initially screwing up with a patient, he gets a chance to redeem himself when a cute, young patient, Diane (Riley Keogh), comes in with a kidney infection.  Under Blake's care, Diane quickly recovers and is sent home.  Diane's parents are so happy they invite him over for dinner.

There's a darkness to Blake though, and while there are hints to this early in the movie, they go unnoticed by his co-workers.  He sabotages Diane's recovery, forcing her ailment to relapse, which leads to an even longer stay in the hospital.  Blake spends even more time with Diane, continuing to sabotague her while telling his supervisors that she's been 'resistant to treatment'.  It might have been funny if it weren't so creepy.

As you might guess, things take a turn for the worse and he loses the patient.  At one point Diane's father confronts him in the hospital and accuses him of killing his daughter.  He insists he did everything he could, but the reality is that he did kill her.  Worse yet, he didn't really seem to have any guilt about it.  His cold demeanor is looked at as professional detachment by his supervisor and hospital psychologist.  His colleagues try to reassure him by saying that everyone loses a patient at some point, and that you aren't really a doctor until you do.

Later, a irresponsible orderly (Michael Peña) finds something that could be used against Blake, and uses this leverage to bribe him for drugs.  This leads to another series of bad decisions by Blake as the movie continues into the bizarre.

Normally, I don't mind character studies or movies that have ambiguity about them, but this was one where it bugged me.  From the opening moments right up until the very end, Blake engages in a series of increasingly illogical decisions that just made me scratch my head.  The problem I had was that it was never explained why he was doing these things.  Was he really so driven to gain respect that he'd do anything to get there.  Was he was falling for Diane and didn't want to let her go?   Maybe he was simply a psychopath.  You see that Blake has a scar on his forehead, that he attempts to cover with a really bad, Donald Trump-like haircut.  Are we to guess that he had head trauma in his past? If so, do they really let doctors with a history of head trauma become doctors? Did he have a psychological evaluation at any point? Maybe I'm missing the point they were trying to make here, but I don't like making excuses for a film.

It's nice looking at least, but the pace was sluggish and I couldn't figure out what the tone was.  I think that director Lance Daly and John Enbom couldn't either.  If this was meant to be a dark comedy, then there should have been some actual humor in it, and if this was a character study, they didn't give us about the character to care.  There's not enough depth.

I also didn't get enough chemistry between Orlando Bloom and Riley Keogh to care about their relationship. I felt both of them were very flat together.  I do think Bloom brought a creepy, detached element to his performance, but it seemed he spent a lot of time just staring out into the distance.  I enjoyed the supporting performances from Taraji P. Henson and Michael Peña more. While they didn't get a lot of screen time, I felt like they both had more going on and wanted to see more of them.  I think they really missed an opportunity with Peña's character to do more there.

The Good Doctor could have been a dark and complex story, but it misses the mark because it failed to give us a compelling character to watch.  We end up getting something that was creepy, unsatisfying and a little boring.  It's not awful, but there's really nothing to recommend about it. You can skip this one, folks.

2 (out of 5) Death Stars

The Possession (2012) - Movie Review

Did you know that a demon will show up on an MRI?  Neither did I, and as The Possession is based on a true story, you can take that as a fact.

Have I mentioned before how much I hate when a horror film starts with "based on a true story?"  When you watch The Possession, (not to be confused with The Apparition, which only came out last week), there's never a point where you'll say to yourself, "Oh yeah, this totally could have happened."  Another thing that I'm getting irritated with are possession stories where the 'possessee' is a child.  Why do demon spirits always aim the bar so low for victims?  Why not possess a rich athlete or actor, or better yet, a world leader?  Anyway, they do explain that the demon needed someone pure, hence the need for a young child, but that doesn't mean this isn't a tired cliché.

Anyway, enough ranting.  Let's get to the movie, shall we? Clyde (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is a recently divorced father. He's a college basketball coach, which apparently means that he hasn't always been the most present husband and father.  He shares custody of his two daughters, and desperately trying to connect with them.  In keeping with the clichés, the oldest daughter (Madison Davenport) is one of those bitchy pre-teens that you can't help but dislike a little.  Clyde's ex-wife (Kyra Sedgwick), oscillates between getting along with Clyde and then absolute hating him.  She's dating a new guy that's also a bit of a tool.  The Possession could have been called "The Comedian vs. His Unlikable Family".

Clyde has the kids for the weekend and takes them to the nice new home he just purchased, which the pre-teen hates because it's in the middle of nowhere, I guess.  While driving around, they come across a yard sale, and his youngest daughter, Em (Natasha Calis), is drawn to an old, wooden box.  The films prologue shows a bit of the backstory of the box, which involved an invisible force beating the shit out of an old lady.  As more is revealed later, this scene makes less sense as you learn that the point of the box was to contain a demon.  It doesn't seem like this box does a very good job of containment if it can kill people when the box is still sealed.  What's the point?

As Em plays with the box, her behavior becomes increasingly odd and violent, while weird things happen in the house.  Clyde investigates, and finds this box was used to contain an ancient Jewish demon called a Dybbuk.  So, the only new twist to The Possession is that the demon is Jewish, instead of the Catholic demon we normally see.  It's interesting to note that the family's religion was never brought up during the movie, so you have to wonder if this demon need a Jewish person to possess.  Clyde finds a Hasidic Jew (Matisyahu), that's willing to help him with an exorcism.

This movie had a serious volume problem.  At times the sound would be normal or even muted, which I thought was a nice touch at times, but then out of nowhere the music would get oppressively loud or an ear splitting scream or sound would be used after a quieter moment.  This was done even when there weren't scary things going on.  For example, an abrupt drilling sound was used to seal up a doggie door in the house after they though a raccoon got into the house.  It was a very cheap way to get a jump scare and I found it very irritating and the movie progressed.

It does have nice performances.  I've been a big Jeffrey Dean Morgan fan ever since his role as "The Comedian" in Watchmen.  Here he shows a little more range emotionally, and I did find myself sympathizing and rooting for his character.  I hope he can get more roles.  I also thought Natasha Calis had moments where she was creepy.  I couldn't figure out why Kyra Sedgwick's boyfriend was so familiar until I saw the credits roll and realized that it was Grant freaking Show.  I haven't seen that guy since the original Melrose Place.  On another note, has Kyra Sedgwick gotten into yoga or something?  Early in the movie she's wearing a sleeveless shirt and her arms and shoulders looked pretty cut.  Keep up the good work, Kyra!

The reality is that I love horror films.  I love the rush you get from the scare or even the anticipation of what's about to happen.  When a movie can give me genuine chills, there's almost nothing better.  Unfortunately, The Possession is not one of these films.  I'm especially disappointed because Sam Raimi produced this and it's missing all the humor and campiness you'd expect with his involvement.  It's not a bad effort from director Ole Bornedal, but there's just nothing new here.  Writers Juliet Snowden and Stiles White are the same team that's brought you other lackluster films like Knowing and Boogeyman, so you can add this to their resume of lackluster films.

The Possession is just another middle-of-the-road possession movie.  It tries to cover for not being original or scary by using a lot of loud noises and cheap jump scares.  It had a few creepy moments, but overall this is very forgettable and not the kind of thing that will give you nightmares. Save it for rental.

2 (out of 5) Death Stars

Lawless (2012) - Movie Review

I guess with the popularity of Boardwalk Empire we shouldn't be surprised if we see a trend of prohibition-era films.

This review might be a little spoilerific, so be warned.

Lawless is about the Bondurant brothers, Howard (Jason Clarke), Forrest (Tom Hardy) and Jack (Shia LeBeouf), who were moonshine bootleggers during the prohibition. The story is based on the book The Wettest County in The World by one of their descendants, Matt Bondurant. I've never heard of the Bondurant Brothers, so they could have been based off the Bing Bong Brothers for all I knew.

Right away, I can tell you that this movie suffered from not deciding on what type of movie it was going to be.  It never focuses on one character or element enough, and even the tone of the movie is all over the place. Sometimes it's brutally violent, then it's funny, and at other times you aren't sure if you should be laughing.

Forrest Bane...er, um, I mean Bondurant, while being a little unclear as to whether or not he's the eldest Bondurant, is clearly the boss of them.  At first you think this is going to be a bad ass movie about him.  He's kicking ass and telling the new lawman in town (played by a 'dastardly' Guy Pearce) to piss off, but then something happens to him.  This gives Shia the Beef an opportunity to prove to his brothers he has what it takes.  Then, you might think this turns into a revenge flick, but The Beef basically makes a bunch of moonshine runs with his pal, Cricket (Dane Dehaan), laughing all the way.  He's got a little more business sense than his brother, so he's making them more money, but not as much common sense, as he's just spending money all over the place.

While Forrest recovers, both he and Jack have their own romances, but neither added anything to the central plot.  It's shame because I really like both Jessica Chastain and Mia Wasikowska, but they weren't give much to do, especially with Wasikowska, and it felt like both characters where thrown in there just to give the main characters something to do during their down time between moonshine runs.

Gary Oldman shows up for early in the film, and you get a glimpse of what appeared to be another bad ass character, but that's all you get, a glimpse.  He's gone before you even get a chance to blink.

Even though many characters are underused and underwritten, the strength of the film are the performances.  I've been critical of Shia the Beef, but I thought his performance worked very well in contrast to the tougher nature of his older brothers.  I did think it was odd that his main characteristic seemed to be that he got his ass kicked in nearly every scene though.  Tom Hardy was a badass, but for the second time this summer, he plays another character that speaks with a voice that's difficult to understand at times.  Also, it seemed they missed another opportunity with his character, as the fable of Forrest Bondurant was that he couldn't be killed, but it's treated a little more than a gag and kind of glossed over.

Guy Pearce's character, Charlie Rakes, is this silly, over-the-top villain.  It seemed like a caricature of a villian from an old cartoon.  The only thing he was missing was a twirly mustache and cigarette holder.  Pearce appeared to have a lot of fun with the character though, and I thought it was a good performance.  Pearce is one of those actors that I think can do pretty much anything, but hasn't quite gotten that one killer role that he'll always be remembered for.  I hope he gets that chance.

Directed by John Hillcoat, who's directed much darker movies like The Road and The Proposition. I hoped this was going to be similar in tone to those movies, but it simply wasn't.  I never felt any real tension or like the characters were in any real danger.  He teamed up again with writer/musician Nick Cave. The screenplay is extremely straightforward and seems like something you could have seen on TV.  Lawless doesn't take any risks or do anything you haven't already seen before.

What couldn't have been on TV though were the visuals.  There are some really bloody, violent moments and there's also lots of nudity (thank you, Jessica Chastain).  It's a well-made movie as far as how it looks.  The sets are great and the setting felt authentic, but again, there's something in the details that just felt odd to me.

Speaking of which, here's one of the attention to details the bugged me.  Early on, Jack gets worked over pretty hard by Rakes.  He punches him several times on the left side of his face pretty hard, but in the subsequent scenes, he's face is bruised on the right side.  There's also very little swelling.  It was funny to me, because while Jack was getting his ass kicked in the scene I would have bet you any amount of the money that Jack's face wasn't going to look all that that bad after the beating he just took.  When a movie blows a detail like that, it kind of takes me out of the movie.   

Lawless is still an entertaining film, but I can't help but feel a little disappointed in it.  With the cast and all the window dressing, it had the potential to be something special, but it wasn't greater than the sum of it's parts.  It's suffers too much from lack of focus and inconsistent tone that makes it hard to completely get into, and at times it wastes its extremely talented cast.  I'm right on the edge between a matinee and rental on this one.  If you're really interesting in seeing this, then I'd say to check it out on matinee, but if you're on the fence, save it for rental.

3 (out of 5) Death Stars

Ruby Sparks (2012) - Movie Review

How much easier would dating be if you could just dream your ideal woman/man into existence?

When we first see Calvin (Paul Dano) wake up in his very nice, Los Angeles pad, I was worried that this was going to be yet another movie where someone is somehow living in an expensive place well beyond their means.  This has always been a huge pet peeve of mine in movies. That's actually not the case here, as we learn that Calvin is an author that had the fortune of writing a very successful novel at a young age.

Calvin lives alone, and recently had a bad break-up.  His only real friend is his brother, and he went as far to get a dog to help him socialize.  This hasn't helped though, as his dog is scared of strangers.  His therapist (Elliott Gould), trying to help him through a bad case of writers block, gives him a simple writing assignment.  Calvin's been having a recurring dream about a mystery woman, so he begins to write about her.  Newly inspired, he flushes this character out to the point where she feels real and starts to fall in love with her.

One day, he wakes to find this girl, Ruby Sparks, in his kitchen having breakfast.  The movie never explains how or why, other than basically explaining away it away as magic.  They don't really fixate on this though, and the movie just asks you to go with it.  Calvin initially thinks he's going insane and Ruby is a product of his imagination, but he quickly realizes that she's real and is exactly how he's written her.

Writer Zoe Kazan, who also plays the title character, took a pretty interesting concept and played around with it.  She took the indie movie trope of the quirky, dream girl and put her in a normal relationship.  Things are great until you realize that Calvin really isn't all that great of a boyfriend. He's possessive, socially awkward and not very outgoing.  Ruby starts to get bored and attempts to make her own friends and do things on her own.  Unable to deal with this, Calvin tries to change Ruby.  At this point, the movie takes a turn for the dark and a little creepy.  You genuinely feel bad for Ruby the more Calvin interferes.

The film gets a nice boost from all of the supporting characters.  Calvin's brother, Harry, played by Chris Messina, has a lot of fun being the only other person that's aware of Ruby's true origins. There's another great part of the movie where they all go visit Calvin's mother (Annette Bening) and her current boyfriend (Antonio Banderas).  They are all just having fun enjoying life, except for Calvin, who does nothing but read and seem embarrassed by his family.  It's really hard to like Calvin at this point.  Steve Coogan has a small role and I always enjoy seeing him.

Paul Dano is an actor I've never quite been able to get into.  I just don't see what it is about him. However, I think this was a role tailor made for him and he did a good job with the rule.  I also came away really liking Zoe Kazan's performance.  Her script forces her to be all over the place as her character changes, and she showed a lot of range.  While not 'conventionally beautiful', she has a special quality about her, and it's hard to take your eyes off her anytime she's on screen.

One of the cool things about Ruby Sparks is there are a lot of different ways you can look at this movie.  It's very smart in that regard.  For me, the movie was as much about how flawed Calvin is and his idea of an ideal girl, as it is about Ruby.  Nobody is perfect, not your current girlfriend, and not your ex, even when she's "Baby Jessica" from True Blood (Deborah Ann Woll).  Trying to forcibly change them never has good results.

After a six-year hiatus from directing Little Miss Sunshine, Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris are back to direct Ruby Sparks.  I'm not sure why they took so much time off from directing, but I hope they continue to make films.  This is someone from someone that is in the small minority of people really didn't like Little Miss Sunshine.

My biggest problem with the movie is that it leads up to an ending, which while cute, didn't feel earned and I think it undermined the film a bit.  I would have preferred an ending that was a little more in line with the rest of the film's tone.

I really enjoyed Ruby Sparks.  It's one of those movies that kind of sticks with you, and I'm still thinking about it days after.  This is one of the smarter, and despite the magic element, more realasitc looks at romance and relationships that you're going to see this year.  Sure, it can be a little dark at times, but it's still something you can have fun with.  As this is in limited release, most of you likely won't have a change to see this in the theater, unless you have access to a place like The Vine.  It's worth a matinee, but I highly recommend renting this otherwise.

4 (out of 5) Death Stars

Premium Rush (2012) - Movie Review

I need to start riding my bike more.

I was a little worried about seeing this. First, it's a late-August movie, and with a name like Premium Rush, you might think this was a movie about surfing or a new flavor of Mountain Dew. Even when a movie stars two of my favorite actors, The JGL and Michael Shannon, you have to wonder if this is just a late-summer paycheck. Actors have to pay their mortgages, too. Plus, the trailers didn't really look all that compelling. I mean, it's a movie about a mike messenger getting chased all over.

Fortunately, Premium Rush is an entertaining film. It's a throwback movie if there ever was one. Veteran director and co-writer David Koepp managed to take a pretty basic premise and turn it into a fun, fast-paced thriller.

The title does serve as a double meaning, as it's both a reference to rush delivery (actually mentioned by name in the film), and the rush you get from riding your bike at high speeds where the wrong move can get you killed. Wilee (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), a recent law school grad, has no interest sitting behing a desk all day or wearing a suit. He prefers to chase the rush he gets from riding, and makes a meager living as a New York City bike messenger. He has a philosophical view of his riding and enjoys the risk. He's such a purist that he rides a low tech bike with no gears or even brakes, because breaking gets you killed.  Wilee wouldn't have it any other way.  His fellow co-workers, and girlfriend Vanessa (Dania Ramirez), all think he's nuts and needs to slow down.  He's the best at what he does though.

A friend of his, Nima (Jamie Chung), contracts him to make a small delivery, but this immediately puts him in the cross hairs of Bobby Monday (Michael Shannon), who really wants what he's delivering.  Monday relentless pursues Wilee with the tenacity of a Terminator, and Wilee doesn't understand why he wants it so bad.

As far as thrillers go, you aren't going to get any real surprises here.  The story stays on it's bike path from beginning to end.  More is revealed through a series of flashbacks that show you the events leading up to now, but also give you a break from the action.  You do get a rush from the film, as it's extremely fast-paced and you get invested in what is going on.  Similar to what I said in my The Expendables 2 review, I left this movie wanting to dust off my bike and take it for a spin. I'm not going to be doing any of the crazy moves seen here though.  The bike stunts here are great, and the way some scenes were shot you do get a real feeling on the speed and danger of it all.

Another really cool thing they did is at times they'd show some scenarios where Wilee would have to map out his route or plan out which way to go when it looks like he was running out of room.  Then they show you how each scenario would have played out.  It's similar to stuff you've seen in Sherlock Holmes or even Next.  They don't overuse this, so it doesn't get old or feel like too much of a gimmick.  I thought it was a nice touch.

It's ironic that main character's name is Wiley, as in coyote (he even makes a joke about it), as he's really The Road Runner being chased around.  He's always narrowly escaping, while pulling of moves that would get a normal person killed.  It felt like something you used to watch on Saturday morning. In addition to being chased by Monday, Wilee is also pursed by a bicycle cop, and harassed by a co-worker, Manny (Wolé Parks), who not only wants to prove he's better than Wilee, but he wants his girlfriend, too.

Speaking of his girlfriend, that's one of the elements that felt forced here.  From the opening moments, there's conflict between Wilee and Vanessa, and it just felt thrown in to add drama. They do a really weak job of explaining why they are having issues, and by the end everything is fine again without any discussion between the two.  Also, the way some of the characters were related to each other was a little clunky.

What makes this movie stand out is that is does have a good cast and the performances are strong.  The JGL always delivers and this is no exception.  I absolutely loved Michael Shannon's performance.  His character is totally ridiculous, but he's so completely over the top and corrupt that it was just fun to watch.  It's the kind of role where I don't think a different actor would have been able to pull it off.  I also enjoyed Wolé Parks as a foil for Wilee.  He's another character that could have felt thrown in there and unnecessary, but it worked.  Former The Daily Show correspondent Aasif Mandvi has a small, but funny role as the dispatcher for the messenger service.

After I saw The Apparition a few days ago, another moviegoer expressing his disappointment in that movie simply said, "I should have gone to that bike movie instead."  Yes, we both should have.

Premium Rush is fun film with lots of great action, some unexpected humor and good performances.  If you've ever wondered a Road Runner cartoon acted out by humans looked like, this would be it.  It caught me by surprise and I enjoyed it.  It's a nice movie to catch if you're bored this weekend and just want something fun to watch.  Totally worth a matinee.

3.5 (out of 5) Death Stars

The Apparition (2012) - Movie Review

I try to give every movie the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes you can tell 15 minutes into a movie that you're watching something horrible.  The Apparition, is a special kind of horrible.  It's so incompetent that I cannot believe it exists.

The movie's prologue shows of a group of people in the 1970s doing some kind of paranormal experiment.  It consisted of them standing around a table and proving it can move if you can't see what their feet are doing. At the end they take a group picture, and everyone is all smiles, so you're left to wonder what the point of that was.  It doesn't setup anything ominous.

Then, we fast forward to present time and a group of college kids are trying to replicate the same pointless experiment even though the last one proved nothing. This time 'something' gets out though.

We now skip to a young couple, Kelly and Ben (Ashley Greene and Sebastian Stan), moving into a new home. You get to spend time watching them run errands to Costco and do chores around the house.  The dialog that these two have is so terrible that you question how they are even a couple.  The shots of the housing development are clearly trying to clue to you in to the fact that something is coming, you know like a 'poltergeist' or something. but the movie just won't get on it it.  It's scary to think how much time this movie wastes even though it's barely 80 minutes. There's maybe 5-10 minutes of actual story here.

The Apparition was written and directed by Todd Lincoln, and this was not a good feature film debut.  I can't imagine how this got pitched.  I think it might have been something like this:

Idea Guy:  "Okay, I have an idea for a movie.  It's called The Apparition."

Moron that Green-lit the Movie:  "What's it about?"

IG:  "It's about a young couple that gets haunted in their house by an apparition."

MTGTM:  "So, it's like Paranormal Activity.  People like those movies."

IG:  "Yeah, but towards the end, we'll have the girl from The Grudge show up randomly."

MTGTM:  "Even better!  What else happens?"

IG:  "Well the apparition does all kinds of mean stuff like open doors and move furniture when they aren't looking, mess up their closet, make loud sounds all throughout the house, and cause all kinds of black mold."

MTGTM:  "So this apparition is kind of a dick then.  What else happens?"

IG:  "That's pretty much all I can think of."

MTGTM:  "I think we're gonna pa..."

IG:  "Oh wait!  We can have Ashley Greene from Twilight spend half the movie walking around in next to nothing..."

MTGTM:  "She's hot!  I'm sold!"

IG:  "...but never actually get naked.  We can even have a gratuitous shower scene that reveals nothing."

MTGTM:  "Ah shit!  I already said 'sold', didn't I?"

IG:  "Yes, you did.  No takebacks!"

That pretty much sums up the whole movie.  There's nothing remotely scary about the film, and all it does is borrow ideas from other films.  Everyone acts illogically throughout.  For example, once they've been haunted for a day or two and terrified, instead of getting out of the house and getting a hotel, they decide that the best thing to do is pitch a small tent in the back yard.  Yes, I'm sure that will protect you.

Later, it becomes clear that Ben is part of the earlier experiments, and his former partner is desperately trying to warn him, but he refuses to acknowledge it.  As if ignoring everything will make it go away, even though you are clearly seeing that something's wrong.

When they do catch up with his former partner, Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton, I'm sorry), he proceeds to explain what is going on with a string of nonsense that just makes you roll your eyes at its ridiculousness.  The made up words he said in the Harry Potter films were more realistic.  Then, he has a plan to stop the apparition, when it's clear he never understood what he was dealing with in the first place.

The apparition itself is inconsistent.  Sometimes, it's merely harassing people, and other times it has the ability to instantly fuse matter.  If it's that powerful, then what's the point?  Just kill everyone.  Yet, at one point, it attempts to kill by smothering a person in a bed sheet.  Yes, death by bed sheet.

I feel bad for Ashley Greene.  I'm sure she's trying to get out from the shadow of the Twilight films, but movies like The Apparition are not going to help.  If anything, the only people that might be scared by this film are little kids that like Twilight and go see it because of Ashley Greene.  I'm sorry Ashley.  You're a gorgeous girl and I hope you get a chance to do something better next time.

It's one of those movies that turns unintentionally funny a third of the way through the film.  It says a lot when the largest laugh of the movie was when someone in the audience yawned.  However, "Your house killed my dog" has my vote for the funniest line of the year.

The Apparition is simply one of the worst films of the year.  It's one of the most boring, pointless and nonsensical films I've seen in a long time.  There is absolutely nothing redeeming about it on any level.  Just forget it exists.

0.5 (out of 5) Death Stars