Saturday, March 5, 2011

Catching up on movie reviews...

Okay, people have been asking what movies I've seen lately. Here's a summary, but first...

I've always noticed that when I like a movie, I never have much to say about it. You'll ask me if I like a movie and I'll just go, "It's okay". Now if I love a movie, I'll have more to say about it, but I'll try to stop short of major spoilers. On the other hand, if I hate a movie, I will explain in great detail all the things I hated about it.

As a general rule, I always try not to spoil much in my reviews of newer releases, unless I think it's lousy and you shouldn't see it. Rentals are kind fair game as far as spoilers go, but again, I'll refrain for discussing any major spoilers or plot twists if I enjoyed the movie.

And here we go...

You Again?

I had had the unfortunate pleasure of watching 'You Again?' recently. This is one of the worst movies I've seen in a while. Hell, this is one of the worst movies I've EVER seen.

They go out of the way to state they are in a small town and went to a high school where everyone knew everyone, yet the premise of the movie is that somehow nobody remembers anyone from high school. Case in point the main dude was on the basketball team and somehow doesn't remember what a bitch the head cheerleader was in highschool? Huh? Even 20 years removed from HS, I seem to remember all of the people that were known for being bitchy or being a dick, regardless of whether or not they were in the same class with me, and I went to a larger high school. Hell, I want to TWO high schools and know this.

At the beginning of the movie you see most of the class carrying her outside and I'm wondering, why are there never any parents or teachers around when things like this happen at school in movies? Because, it's seems in real life if you aren't caught red handed doing something like that, someone rats you out.

For example, there a scene where the head cheerleader just hauls off and hits the mascot in the face. Nobody saw this? Nobody?!

The fact checking in this is just terrible. They mention at one point that a video of her from high school had over 1 million hits on YouTube. A video made of her in 2002, yet youtube was founded in 2005, so um...yeah.

Even if the video had been posted several years later. You're telling me that a high school student would have a camera phone or flip camera back in 2002. They scarcely existed back then, let alone ones that did good quality video and the ability to easily upload a video to something like YouTube, which, again, didn't exist yet.

Hell, I have a lot of friends now that don't have phones that do good video, but a high school student does, in this time-altered reality. Was this movie really sci-fi and I missed it?

Even the opening of the film starts with her doing a video blog about how much she hates high school. Again, web cams were pretty shitty back then and stuff like USB 2.0 wasn't standard in all computers back then. Hell, I don't own a web cam NOW and I'm supposedly tech-savvy.

This was written by Moe Jelline, who shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a movie again. There isn't a single original idea or thought in this movie. There's nothing remotely funny or anything that works in this movie.

The directory Andy Fickman, who has also directed shit like The Game Plan, The Race to Witch Mountain, and She's The Man, should also be kicked out of Hollywood.

Oh, an at the end, the Dad of Kristen Bell's character is just suddently the doctor? I know it's a small town and all, but I don't think at any point in the movie it's mentioned, even in passing, what the Dad does, so when he shows up in the room wearing a doctor's coat, all I could think was, 'Oh, you're the doctor, too?! You've been a total dork the whole move and now I'm supposed to believe you're the town doctor?'

At one point Sigorney Weaver and Jamie Lee Curtis' characters were pretending to swim in a pool where you could clearly see the 4' depth marker. I thought Sigourney Weaver was on the tall side for women. Either way, I'm pretty sure they could touch the bottom of the pool.

Anyway, this movie a fucking waste of time and space and if you watch this and like it, then you're a fucking retard and I can never take your opinion seriously about ANYTHING!

It's Kind of a Funny Story

This should have been titled "This Story is Kind of Funny".

I guess given the subject matter it can't be over the top funny, but I still would have thought a movie starring Zach Galafanakis would have had a little more punch to it.

It's not bad or uncomfortable or anything like that. It's just kind of middle of the road.

It's just kind of 'meh' for me.


Again, not a bad movie, but how can you have suspense in a movie when you know from the beginning that nothing really bad is going to happen. You know the train isn't going to derail or blow up or anything like that.

The SNL trailer of this was more entertaining than this.

Also, why did the train seem like it was actually going only 15-25 mph and not the 70mph they were claiming? They were going through railroad crossings where you could see their faces clearly and I'm left thinking, 'aren't they supposed to be going 70 mph'?

I Am Number Four

The whole movie I'm watching this and saying, this feels like an episode of Smallville with better special effects and then I see the name Gough and Millar go by and realize that's exactly what I just watched. Gough and Millar are the creators of Smallville and wrote this movie. Additionally, DJ Caruso, has directed an episode of Smallville. So yeah, this is basically an episode of Smallville with better special effects and not about Clark Kent.

It's not a horrible movie, but it crawls along and a tedious pace at points. Just do something!

I found the Dianna Agron's performance weird. It was like her face hardly moved when she talked. Almost like when you watch a CG character and they still just kind of have that not quite real look yet. That's how her performance felt to me.

However, Teresa Palmer's performance I can only describe as 'hot', but that's probably because she's an Aussie and Aussie chicks are hot. I also liked Timothy Olyphant in this, but honestly, when is he not good. He was great in The Girl Next Door, for fuck's sake. He's that good.

The last 15 minutes though...DAMN! If this movie was 20 minutes shorter and then they added another 15 minutes of action like at the end of the movie, then I think they really would have been on to something. It was just like Skyline where you're bored pretty much through the entire movie and then the last 10-15 mintues are pretty epic and you're like, why wasn't the whole movie like that? Well, then it would have been called Battle: Los Angeles. Anyway, I digress...

This is a rental. Maybe a matinée if you're dying to see it.

Life as We Know It

Ugh...just...ugh. It's not awful and this is one of the first movies that Katherine Heigl didn't just annoy the shit out of me. However, this movie is about 30 mintues too long to reach the conclusion that you know it's going to reach from watching the fucking TRAILER!

Let me put it this way, you can watch the first 30 minutes, leave the room for an hour and come back and you wouldn't have missed anything.


I've always been a sucker for any type of sports drama, especially if it's based off real events.

There's nothing new or extraordinary here. Just a standard, race horse movie. The cast really helps here, and I was pleasantly surprised to see John Malkovich in this. This is the kind of movie that made me look up facts about the horse on Wiki after watching the movie and youtube videos of his actual races.

If you like horses of have hard on for Diane Lane, you'll like it enough.

127 Hours

This really is a good movie. I'm impressed when a 'bottle movie' can hold my attention and this did. I never thought much of James Franco as a serious actor, but credit to director Danny Boyle for making this work.

Warning though, if you are squeamish, the last 20-30 min of this movie might be a little too much for you.


I just got back from watching this. First off, let me say the animation in this is fantastic! Just truly great, to the point where there's no need for this to be in 3D.

Otherwise, I wasn't too blown away by this. I felt that most of the humor was totally directed at kids and the plot was pretty standard for a movie like this. I found myself bored for most of the film and almost fell asleep at a few parts.

The last 20-30 minutes of this were much more enjoyable for me and there's a nice surprise towards the end, but otherwise, I felt this was rental or matinée at best.

If there's anything else you want to know my thoughts on, let me know.

Tomorrow I plan on seeing The Adjustment Bureau, so I'll have a short review for that tomorrow.

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